This morning I have a very personal post for you.
I wrote my birth story here. It was actually the second blog post I did on my blog.
Sharing it was deeply personal and I didn't share any of the actual birth photos, but photos surrounding the days following. I recently stumbled upon the photos taken by my doula Christa and I felt it all again, hard.
The photos were only taken with a cheap point and shoot camera but they are beautiful to me.
It is a dream of mine to be present at a birth and to capture those images of strength and intense emotion and finding these images 16 months later brought the beauty of it into the forefront of my mind.
I have since had a miscarriage which was hard but there will come a time when I venture out on that crazy roller-coaster and bring another of God's little spirits into this world. I know when that happens that I will want photos to remember that intense feeling of bringing a fragile life into the world.
Because I want to have my birth story and images all together in one place on here I will re-post my birth story again (with a few edits and extras) along with the photos which I hold sacred.
I was so excited to find out that I was pregnant as it was very much planned. I went into it with anticipation but I found that I encountered some struggles throughout my pregnancy. I have a history of depression and anxiety and it became so severe by the end because of the pregnancy hormones and side effects that I truly believed that the only way that I was capable of giving birth was to have a complete epidural or a planned cesarean section. I had been taking one-on-one birthing classes with Christa to increase my ability to have a natural birth and so this frame of mind (a big fat deep hole) that I had, left me feeling devastated and completely powerless. Christa was also the doula (a coach that focuses on the mother) who was present at the birth and was an amazing help in the whole preparation and birthing process.
I continued to try hypno-birthing and meditation leading up to the birth and by learning about my body’s true capabilities and the wonderful benefits of having a natural birth, I still held onto hope that with the help of Christa and my husband that I would find my inner strength. Even with all of this preparation I always felt the worst was around the corner. I would also try to sit and meditate and imagine what my perfect birth would be, no more than 5 hours of labouring, ending in a natural delivery.
In the weeks leading up to his birth I was drinking raspberry leaf tea like a crazy person and walked as much as my tired body would let me to help bring this baby into the world. I even remember running up and down the street and jumping up and down, what a sight!